Unfaithful
by Archangel Barton
Summary: What is a man to do when he finds out he had no more love to give? What is he who ties himself up with another loses his love and met yet another left to do? It all lies in being unfaithful. [RuFuji; RuSen][Trilogy]
1. Part I

**Title**: Unfaithful 1/3

**Author**: Archangel

**Pairing**: RuFuji, RuSen

**Genre**: Romance, Slight Angst, Happy RuSen ending

**Archive**: Spellbound, FF.net

**Rating**: PG

**Type**: Multi-chapter fiction

**Summary**: What is a man to do when he finds out he had no more love to give? What is a man to do when he finds someone who he desperately falls in love with? What is a man who ties himself up with another loses his love and met another left to do? It all lies in being unfaithful... 

**A/N**: This is most likely my third to the last fic and one that is for once, solely for my site and of course, SenRu Central. This is also an experimentation of the RuFuji pairing, it just popped out of my mind so there you go, a RuFuji! This is also the first installment to the trilogy of Unfaithful.

**Dedications**: To everyone at AKML especially Chache-chan and an ultra-delayed addition to the RuSen fics posted on RuSen day.

** Unfaithful 1/3**

by Archangel

_ Rukawa's POV_

_ They said that we ought to be faithful to the one person we love._

_ They said that once we get into a relationship, no force on earth can destroy that bond._

_ They said that in a relationship, loyalty is the element that counts the most._

_ They said this and they said that…but are they really true?_

_ They said so much but never did they understand why a man like me would be brittle enough for lack of love._

_ They said so much but they just merely said them._

_ And never will they understand why I chose to be unfaithful to the man I once loved._

"Hey there, Super Rookie! Mind playing ball with me?"

"Hn, I don't. Your ball, first to 21."

"Try and stop me then, Rukawa."

_ Every move. Every step. Every beat. _

"Why? Can't read my moves?"

_ Each stride. Each swing. Each turn._

"Why the look, Rukawa-kun?"

_ Damn, Sendoh._

"12-8. Your ball."

_ You're killing me…_

"Nice game, Rukawa. Treat me lunch?"

_ Because in every move…_

"In your dreams, Sendoh."

_ In every step…_

"Com'on, that's fair enough. It's not like I'll order everything, right?"

_ There goes another heartbeat._

"Whatever."

_ In each stride…_

"Take me to McDonald's then."

_ In each swing…_

"Hn…whatever."

_ You turn towards my heart._

"Is 'Hn' and 'Whatever' the only things you can say?"

_ Darn it, Sendoh._

"'Duh' and 'get lost'."

_ Why is it different when I'm with you?_

"Oh…I see."

Ch. Bastard alarm clock goes ringing again.

Such a pest.

4:11 AM. 

"Kenji…"

"Good morning, honey. Why are you still awake?"

_ And never will they understand why I chose to be unfaithful to the man I once loved._

***

"Did Kenji tell you something that he really likes or something?" I was speaking to Toru Hanagata on the phone. 

"I mean, really really like. I've been asking him for days now, he wouldn't tell me." 

Kenji and I have been together for a couple of years now. And since its Christmas, I thought it would be sweet of me to get Kenji something…for a change.

"Will his schedule permit a vacation perhaps?" Yes, a vacation. Ever since Kenji was promoted to that Senior Executive Officer position shit, he's been out the whole day only to go home at 4 AM. He leaves by 9 and goes through the same sickening routine. Damn, I couldn't even get an active sex life for Christ sake. 

"I don't know, but could you arrange for a decent room overlooking Kanagawa or something like that?" Is that sweet or is that really sweet? God, it's so unlike me. But what can I do? I need Kenji more than ever now. Especially since I just run into someone who's so damn…damn…shit. Stop it, Kaede. You must not be thinking about him now.

I hear Toru on the other line talking about some fancy five star hotel in Tokyo. I couldn't quite understand. But nonetheless the idea sounds great. But will Kenji come? "I don't know. I'll talk him into it." 

I wonder if Kenji would like that. A date in a fancy hotel overlooking whatever city and stuff like that.

Or maybe I should get him a what? A ring? Nah…it isn't the right occasion, besides the technique is overused. And though Kenji is the type to mush over the clichés, I wouldn't risk being uncool. I hate clichés and unoriginal and worn-out moves. 

How about a pet? Ch. He doesn't go home so the end line would be me taking care of that bastard just in case. How can I be thinking of that?

What if I get a cook book, wear an apron and do my own cooking? I'll kill him…that's for sure.

But if it's Sendoh that I'll be giving a pet, a fish would be enough and I bet he'd go mad with joy. Low maintenance pets would do for Sendoh and besides even if I cook the most horrifying of foods, he'll definitely eat them, Sendoh is always…

No…I can't be thinking of Sendoh at a time like this. "I'll still go check out some romantic spots for you. I'll call you by then." I hear Toru-san say on the other line.

"Right. Thank you, Toru-san." I gently put down the phone only to think about someone who I shouldn't be thinking of…Sendoh Akira.

Again, here you go into my mind, messing my inner peace...

Ch. I might as well head for the mall.

***

It's unexplainable…why do I feel like this?

After 2 years, here I go and meet an acquaintance from long ago then all of a sudden I…it's killing me. Do I like Sendoh?

Darn it. Am I unfaithful now?

"Hey, look who's here? I didn't think you'd be hanging out in a place like this."

Am I blind? Am I stupid? Is this a coincidence? Is this fate? Or is this what you call the misfortune of a man without an active sex life? Why the hell do you have to be here now, Sendoh? 

"What a way to assume my personality." I sarcastically replied.

"Gomen ne, Rukawa." I hear him say. 

I know it's stupid and completely impolite to be looking at some lifeless trash can while someone's talking to me, but what can I do? There seems to be no way in escaping this…whatever thing that is happening to me. If I look at him, everything will go 'hell-unfaithful' again. I can't do that. How in the world could I get out of this…now that I don't even know how I got here in the first place…?

"By the way, what are you doing here?" Darn it, Sendoh. Stop talking.

"I'm looking for a gift for my…my…" My what? My boyfriend? Should I be telling him that Kenji and I are together? Will he like me then if he knew that? Will there ever be a chance for me and him to…if I – 

"Girlfriend? Wow, I guess I really don't know you much about the Rukawa-kun that I admire, ne?" Admire. What the fuck am I thinking? Is this a dream? Am I so much into you, oh great Sendoh Akira that I'm having hallucinations of you?

"No." I replied. "I'm not into…I mean I don't have such kind of relationships as of the moment." Shit. Unfaithful. 

God, I'm unfaithful.

"Then why are you here. Maybe I could help. I'm not doing anything right now. I'm on a sick leave."

"Sick leave?" Damn. I looking at him straight in the eyes. It's automatic, I…darn it, Sendoh. "Why are you here then?"

"I'm using all my vacations by the end of the year. I do that yearly." Then you winked at me. Oh to hell with being unfaithful.

"Oh…" was all I could say. Damn you're hot.

"So tell me, what is she like?"

"Who?"

"The person you're gonna give a present."

Right. What is Kenji like anyway? "She's stupid. She's naughty. She's an asshole. A major pain in the ass. She's a little gluttonous. She's cute. She's always smiling. She's enjoyable to be with. She's great in basketball. She's sweet. She's –" 

"– someone you love, isn't that right, Rukawa-kun?"

"No…I don't." Now that I think about it…it's not Kenji. He's not stupid or naughty. Neither is he an asshole and a major pain in the ass though at times when…why do I have to think about that right now? Well, Kenji is not gluttonous, definitely not. Though he's cute and is always smiling, he's enjoyable to be with especially in the olden days. He's no doubt good in basketball and he's sweet…but he's not…he's not what I've just said. He's just not it…its Sendoh. But why?

"I don't get you, you know? Com'on," You took my arm and dragged me into the department store. "Let's go check out some girly gifts."

I was left with nothing more to say.

Because I am weak. I deliberately had myself dragged inside that cursed department store and I consequently dragged him straight into my heart.

Because I am weak. I played innocent, denied my relationship with Kenji.

I am weak. Because I know I am being unfaithful.

These past few days, all I ever think of is Sendoh Akira. Damn. I'm not supposed to.

***

And as my conscience can no longer bear the guilt, I need to patch things up with Kenji before it becomes irreparable. 

But why? Why can't I drive Sendoh Akira away? Why am I being weak all of a sudden? 

How? How am I suppose to patch things up with Kenji when I cannot take Sendoh off my mind in the first place.

If it was back in high school, I could've driven him away with just one stare but look at me now? I can't even look at him…fearing I might fall deeper into him. 

Damn.

I pick up the phone and dialed Kenji's firm. I badly needed to talk to Kenji…

"Yes, Mr. Fujima's office please." I requested the operator. Soon after, I hear my Kenji's voice.

And I don't know if I should put down the phone, be guilty for what I have done. I don't not deserve such an angel, dammit. Or should I feel nothing and be the bastard that I am? 

I guess I have chosen the second, I badly need to straighten things with Kenji. "Kenji, are you free from work tonight? I was wondering maybe we could dine out or something –"

"That's so sweet, honey but I can't." Damn. "I have a dinner meeting with a client. The one I was telling you last night, the man who's planning to invest a big amount of money on the firm – well, I need to get this client. I don't think I can –" 

"Do you always have to do this, Kenji?" I said. The bastard inside of me shed off its shell and made its presence known to Kenji. Damn. "Do you always have to do this? Let me cook my own dinner and eat it by myself? Let me wash my own back and sleep on an empty bed? Tell me, Kenji, do you always have to do this?"

"Kaede –" From his voice I know he's hurt. Kenji is sensitive, I know and I'm a bastard for doing that. I'm being unfaithful and all and this is what I would do to someone who loves me so dearly. God, I'm being such a crap.

"I'm sorry, Kenji. I guess I'm just missing you so badly." And yes, maybe I just do. "Try to come home early. I'll be waiting. Ja ne." 

Damn.

I look at the cursed phone silently…and as if I had no control of myself, my trembling fingers run across the numbers of Sendoh Akira's home.

"Konnichiwa! This is –" Sendoh.

"Are you free right now?" I hurriedly asked. I don't know why I did that, I just hurriedly did so.

"Rukawa? Yeah, guess I'm free. Why? What's the matter?" God, I didn't even bother to tell him who I am. What kind of crap is that?!

"Let's meet at the court from before. I'm on my way there right now." And I put down the phone, walked briskly to my destination forgetting everything – my house keys and my wallet, everything. I didn't care at all.

And damn…I'm being unfaithful.

***

_ "You know what, Sendoh? You make me feel like shit."_

_ "How's that? Oh! Maybe because I made fun of you in court back when we were in high school."_

_ "Damn you."_

_ "And probably because I was chosen MVP before you."_

_ "Talk about crap, man. I deserve that more than you did."_

_ "Okay, okay. Calm down now, you drank too much. What's you're problem anyway?"_

_ "Nothing."_

_ "Com'on, spill it out. Secret's safe with me."_

_ "You promise?"_

_ "Swear…com'on, tell me."_

_ "I love you. That's my problem."_

Ch. Darn alarm clock.

12:25 PM, it says.

12…25?

I shoot up from my lying position. "Where the hell am I?" I look around and eventually I figured out I'm in my room. 

But how? I was supposed to be with Sendoh…by the beach after we played basketball. Why am I here now?

"Oh God…" Oh God. That's right, I got drunk…now how did I get inside here? I don't have my keys with me…

"Kenji…" Fuck.

And all of a sudden, as if a whirlwind had entered my brain…all the things from last night came back into me.

Damn, what the hell did I say?

_ "I love you. That's my problem."_

Shit. 

Is Sendoh still here? What the hell did I say now? I need to see Sen–

As I opened the door to run quickly out the house, I see my dear Kenji by the porch reading his daily newspaper.

"You're finally awake, honey. Hungry now?"

Oh God.

"Sendoh-kun brought you home last night…I mean, a while ago, early in the morning."

Silence. What the hell is happening to me?

"Kaede," Kenji…he embraced me from behind and buried his head on my back. "I took a leave. Let's start anew, ne? I miss you too."

"H…ha…hai." Was my bewildered reply.

Did Kenji know about my activities with Sendoh? What now?

***

Kenji was true to his word. He took a long leave to be with me.

He did his best to keep me.

But why?

Why am I like this?

4:11, says the clock…I look at his gracefully naked form, and I wonder…

Do I still love you? Do I still love you, Kenji?

Yet the answer was clear…I find no spark at all…

And now I ask, Akira…why do I love you?

In my current state, why do I allow myself to love another? Why did I let myself to love you?

And loving you, Sendoh Akira…is my biggest problem.

Because…I don't think I love Kenji anymore.

TBC…

[December 24, 2003 ^ 5:40 AM]

**Postfic notes**: Please review! Happy holidays everyone!


	2. Part II

**Title**: Unfaithful 2/3  
**Author**: Archangel  
**Pairing**: RuFuji, RuSen  
**Genre**: Romance, Slight Angst, Happy RuSen ending  
**Archive**: Spellbound, FF.net, Zero Hour  
**Rating**: PG  
**Type**: Multi-chapter fiction  
  
**Summary**: What is a man to do when he finds out he had no more love to give? What is a man to do when he finds someone who he desperately falls in love with? What is a man who ties himself up with another loses his love and met another left to do? It all lies in being unfaithful...  
  
**A/N**: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my fic. This is the second installment to the trilogy! Please do review! Thanks!  
  
**Dedications**: Especially dedicated to my guy best-buddie, Fall-chan, Ren-chan, Cheeky, Dig, Chache-chan, Kim-chan, Steff-chan, Reeza-chan, Mizu-chan, Aki-chan, Kit-chan, Kae, Delusional Lady, Taiyou-chan, everyone!!! Most especially to my long lost AKML buddie, Feng-chan! Hope you're a-ok!  
  
At the end of Unfaithful part I…  
  
_Kenji was true to his word. He took a long leave to be with me.  
  
He did his best to keep me.  
  
But why?  
  
Why am I like this?  
  
4:11 AM, says the clock…I look at his gracefully naked form, and I wonder…  
  
Do I still love you? Do I still love you, Kenji?  
  
Yet the answer was clear…I find no spark at all…  
  
And now I ask, Akira…why do I love you?  
  
In my current state, why do I allow myself to love another? Why did I let myself love you?  
  
And loving you, Sendoh Akira…is my biggest problem.  
  
Because…I don't think I love Kenji anymore.  
_  
**Unfaithful 2/3  
by Archangel  
**  
_Sendoh's POV  
  
They said a man is brave enough if he learns to let go.  
They said that a man is truly a man if he knows how to set free.  
They said it's easy for a man to find another.  
They said this and they said that…but do they really know?  
  
They said so much but never will they understand why a man like me would be this powerless, refusing to learn to let go.  
They said so much but do they understand why I refuse to know how to set free?  
They said so much but they just merely said them.  
And never will they truly understand why it's not easy for a man like me to find another.  
_  
1876…1877…1878. Here you go, this is Rukawa's house.  
  
_This delicate creature in my arms…so precious to me.  
_  
"Rukawa-kun. We're in front of your house now. Do you have your house keys?"  
  
_Sleeping so peacefully. Tranquil deep inside._  
  
"Rukawa-kun. Wake up just a minute."  
  
_Every second. Every minute. Every breathing air. _  
  
"I love you. That's my problem."  
  
_Every touch. Every breath. Every heartbeat.   
_  
"Stop that now, we're home. Wake up just a minute, Rukawa."   
  
_Every stare. Every gaze. Every blurring mind.  
_  
"Sendoh, I want to puke."  
  
_Damn, Rukawa.  
_  
"Wha…where? Wait!"  
  
_You're torturing me…  
_  
"Damn, Rukawa."  
  
_Sweetly. Very sweetly.  
_  
"Ch. Whatever."  
  
_Because in every second…  
_  
"After all that this is what you're gonna say? Damn."  
  
_In every minute…  
_  
"Duh. Get lost."  
  
_I go gasping for more breathing air.  
_  
"Ch. Give me your keys. I'm bringing you inside."  
  
_In every touch…  
_  
"I can walk inside by myself, don't mind me."  
  
_In every breath…  
_  
"Fine. I'll just open the door for you. Keys?"  
  
_Causes a skip in my heartbeat…  
_  
"I don't have them."  
  
_In every stare…  
_  
"Wha-? How do we get in now?"   
  
_In every gaze…  
_  
"Knock."  
  
_My mind is in a haze…  
_  
"Right…"  
  
_And all I could think of is how much I love you.  
_  
"Kaede?"   
  
Fujima…Kenji?  
  
_And just like that…my mind goes blank.  
_  
"Sendoh-kun…what happened to Kaede?"  
  
_And they said it's easy for a man to find another.  
_  
***  
  
"Sendoh-kun, I couldn't thank you enough for bringing Kaede home."   
  
"No…no problem." Why do I stutter? This is so unlike me. "I…I should be apologizing for bringing him home drunk…like this." Damn, Sendoh Akira, why do you stutter now?  
  
"It's not your fault, Akira. It's Akira, right?" Darn it. Why is he so all-knowing? Why does he have to gain access into this apartment? Why the hell is Fujima Kenji here?!  
  
"Yeah. Kenji, right?" Yeah…'Kenji, right?' crap. Should I be feeling all-knowing too? Competing against this man who knows too many names. Damn.  
  
"Yeah. Here's a shirt." A well-ironed yellow shirt. The color of jealousy[1]. Perfect. Very perfect. "The bathroom is down the corner."  
  
"Thanks." Damn.  
  
"Akira?" What now, Kenji?  
  
"I'll be just upstairs if you need me. Make yourself at home." Upstairs, huh? Knowing this place too well.  
  
"Thanks." Right. Make myself at home…a home where I should've been living a long time ago.  
  
***  
  
And now I wonder, why? Why is he here? He's not supposed to be here, right? What is Fujima Kenji doing here?  
  
The look on his face. Why does he care so much if Kaede comes home or not?  
  
Damn Kenji. Am I not the one who's supposed to take care of Kaede?   
  
_"I love you. That's my problem."  
_  
Well, Kenji is my problem, Kaede. Would it be okay if I ask him to leave and I'll do the rest?  
  
Damn. Do I look like a squealing school girl or what?  
  
Damn. I'm blushing like shit.  
  
***  
  
_Fujima-san, I think it's late. Do you need help with those? You can leave them to me if you need to go home or something. Kaede will do just fine.  
_  
Perfect. Not too pushy, not too obvious. A humble request. Not too apparent that I want him out of here and not to evident that I want to take care of Kaede myself. Just perfect. Now, where's that room?  
  
A single room at the farthest end. "That's probably it."  
  
I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, "Fujima-san, I - "  
  
I opened my eyes to the most unforgettable scene that broke my heart into a million of pieces.  
  
"Yes?"   
  
_Why are you…why do you…embrace Rukawa like that? _  
  
"I…I'm sorry, Sendoh-kun. I didn't notice you were here. Is something the matter?"  
  
Such intimacy. So much care.   
  
_Why do you do that, Kenji?  
_  
A picture frame…by the side of the bed.  
  
_Who are you in Kaede's life?  
_  
Their picture…together.  
  
Such intimacy. So much care and…love.   
  
_Why didn't you tell me…Kaede?  
_  
"I…I guess I should leave."   
  
_And just like that, my mind goes blank.   
_  
"I mean, I need to go home and I don't know if I parked my car well enough outside. I guess I should…go home."   
  
I stutter…once more.  
  
_"I love you. That's my problem." What was all that for then?  
_  
"Oh, okay. I'll be opening the door for - "   
  
"No, no. It's okay. It's straight ahead right? I can make do, don't worry. Thanks a lot."   
  
Damn. Why Kaede?   
  
"Uhm…about the shirt," Tears…almost. All wanting to rush down my tortured eyes. "I'll be returning it maybe tomorrow?"  
  
Tears…almost.  
  
"Anytime. Kaede and you are…" Are what, Kenji?   
  
Friends.   
  
Plainly platonic.   
  
Only platonic.   
  
"I bet you guys meet frequently so I guess there's no problem about that. It's okay."  
  
Tears…almost. All wanting to spill out of my sad eyes.  
  
"Okay then…I'd better get going. Thank you for the shirt and all."  
  
_Is this all I could do? Is this all you can do, Sendoh Akira?  
_  
"Yeah. Thanks for bringing Kaede home…for me." For me? Right…for you, Kenji. For you and yours alone.  
  
Tears…almost. All wanting to pour out of my cheerless orbs.  
  
"Right. Ja ne!" I smiled…again.   
  
Tears…almost.   
  
Hurt…definitely.   
  
Smile…always.  
  
_What was all that for then, Rukawa Kaede?  
_  
***  
  
_They said a man ought to learn to let go.  
They said a man ought to know how to set free.  
They said a man ought to know when to stop and when to go.  
I said it's time to be a man and it's time to move on.  
  
But is this all too easy?  
Is this something I could just carry on to my sleep…wake up the next morning and find myself fairly okay to move on?  
Is this something I could swallow so easily…wait until the end of the day to consume another mouthful?  
Not with you, Rukawa Kaede.  
It's not that easy with you.  
_  
But what can I do? You already made your choice.   
  
And you chose Fujima.  
  
"You chose who?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Who chose who? You were just saying it." Damn. God, did I speak it out so loud?   
  
I am having my regular lunch break at the café with Hiro and am I not so stupid to just blurt out my mind…  
  
"Uh. Nothing. Forget about it." /Go ahead and conceal yourself, Akira. The easiest way is to escape, isn't it?/ I said to myself.  
  
But isn't it that hiding something drives more unwanted attention? Damn.  
  
But Hiro is Hiro. He's not the type to give up. "Com'on, Akira. Spill it out. You look like a mop since early morning, you stare at some lifeless thing as if it was so amusing, you rarely talked and you have barely eaten your lunch. What the hell is the problem with you anyway?"  
  
That. Fucking. Hurts. "I said forget about it, okay?"   
  
"I won't and you know me." Yeah, I know…but is this the right time to talk about this?  
  
And I figured, no it's not. I couldn't establish a focused mindset for Christ's sake, how am I suppose to converse about things like this?  
  
And so, "I'm out of here." I replied.  
  
But then again, Hiro is not Hiro if he's not like this…too pushy, a hotheaded freak named Koshino Hiroaki. "This is not the Sendoh Akira I know. The world must be ending, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, lesbians and - "  
  
Oh God…all that in a public café…  
  
"Stop it, Hiro. I'm. Out. Of. Here." I turned to walk away but then Hiro called out, "Hey!"   
  
"What?!"  
  
"I'll stop pushing you into this 'spill-it-out thing' but just in case you forgot with your incredible mind in planet X and all, I'm right next to your office if you want to talk about it. You do know that, right?" And indeed this is the Hiro I know. My one best friend.  
  
"Yeah, you can be my punching bag, right?"  
  
"Minus that and I can't be your Sendoh Junior too. I've had enough of the insults with what you did with my hair back in high school." I chucked at the thought. Back in our Ryonan days, I made him my Sendoh Junior and did his hair like mine…it was because I got a little frustrated on not being able to get into the National Tournament. And it must have freaked him out. "I'm just sitting at my cursed chair as before, computing profits and signing papers…you can bug me anytime."  
  
"Yeah. Maybe."   
  
And maybe it is.   
  
***  
  
_"I love you. That's my problem."  
_  
Did you really mean that, Kaede?   
  
You said it many times, you must have meant it, right?  
  
But how come you had Fujima?   
  
I know I'm a little ignorant when it comes to love but damn I'm not that stupid not to know the look on Fujima's face when I brought you home.  
  
I know I'm a little blind in getting the smallest hints on people's jokes and sarcasms but damn…I'm not that blind not to see what you are to Fujima. I'm not that blind not to have seen that happy photo by your bed. I'm not that blind not to see that Fujima embraced you so tightly as if he was loosing you.  
  
I'm not that blind, Kaede.  
  
I'm not blind enough not to see who Fujima is to you.  
  
But why? Why did you say you love me?  
  
How come you had the courage to say those words when you have Fujima in your arms? Are you just tripping on me? Or did you see your Kenji on me?  
  
Why, Kaede?  
  
Why?  
  
And the question still haunts me. Do you really love me, Rukawa? Do really feel that way for me?  
  
And deep inside I wished for it, because you're in my heart threaded deeply.  
  
And deep inside I longed for it, because I need you near me.  
  
But I know this isn't right, because you have somebody.  
  
Damn.  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
And just like that my mind goes into oblivion. I care not to answer the phone.  
  
It might be Rukawa.  
  
***  
  
The following day, I buried myself in work. Papers, documents, charts, presentations…everything just so I can take my mind off Rukawa Kaede.   
  
But then is that all too easy? Every paper I look at, every document, every chart, every presentation…I see his beautiful face reflected in that piece of paper. I see his face in every man inside that conference room. I see Rukawa Kaede by my door. I see Rukawa by my window.  
  
I see him everywhere.  
  
And I say damn.  
  
Hiro said I must be in-love.   
  
I said, yeah, maybe… All that crap. But hell, I know in my heart that I deny myself the fact that it's true, I have definitely…absolutely fallen in love with Rukawa Kaede.  
  
And again, I say damn, should I really be going through all this?  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Beeeep*  
  
"Sendoh-san, there's a call for you on line 1. He says his name is Rukawa Kaede. Will you take the call, sir?"  
  
Rukawa…Kaede?  
  
Silence.  
  
Why do you have to call?  
  
"Sir? Will you take Rukawa Kaede's call on line 1?"  
  
Are you going to tell me you thought I was Kenji?  
  
Are you going to ask me if I'm okay?  
  
I'm fine, Kaede. I guess there's no need to explain. "No." I said. "Tell him…tell him that I'm out with a client."  
  
Damn.  
  
"Yes, sir. I will - "   
  
" - and, don't bother to get his message."   
  
"I won't, sir."  
  
"Thank you." All that crap.  
  
And I guess I need not hear his explanations. I might not know why and how or what triggered him to do so but I really need not know, right?  
  
Because it hurts. The fact that you said all that, if you might even remember them all simply hurts.  
  
And I do not have to hurt myself anymore.  
  
And so I packed up to take a walk.  
  
***  
  
The air caresses my face, the light of the sun glowing in my eyes. It was a sight to behold…just like Rukawa.  
  
I sat by the boardwalk and watched the waves as they crash upon the rocks. I hear the wind, deafening in my ears. There was no silence…just like my heart.  
  
And I wondered, what could you have said if I answered your call?  
  
What are you going to tell me? What the hell are you doing to me?  
  
I have to admit, I had been a coward for escaping the truth that will tear every piece of my soul. I wasn't brave enough to face you nor to face myself. But could you blame me, Kaede? If I'm weak like this because I admitted to myself that I love you just when you told me you love me too. Is this all too easy to bear for you? Because it isn't to me.  
  
"Wow! This is such a nice place! Thank you for bringing me here, I'm so happy." The voice of a joyous woman called my senses.  
  
Two lovers. They look so happy. "You are?" asked the man.  
  
"Yes of course! I've never seen anything like this before!"  
  
I did not intend to eavesdrop, but then looking at the eyes of the woman…such happiness. The glimmer in her eyes were like those of Fujima when he held Kaede close to him.  
  
Such happiness…that I'm not experiencing now.  
  
But what is happiness anyway? Isn't it not the feeling you have when you're contented or when you get something you like?  
  
Does it have to be something so deep? Does it always have to be in you? Does it always have to be something that you have in your hands?  
  
I figured, no it doesn't have to be.  
  
I looked at the serene horizon, followed the contour of the clouds with my own eyes…I again drifted my thoughts into oblivion. Is Kaede's happiness with Kenji enough for me?  
  
_If you are happy with Kenji, Kaede, then so be it. I wouldn't put up a fight if it would only hurt you.  
_  
And so the sun set down.  
  
_And if you are happy with Kenji, Kaede, then I'd tell myself that I'm happy for you too.  
_  
***  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Beeeep*  
  
"Sendoh-san, there's a man here at the lobby looking for you. He would not like to disclose his name but he insists that it's something important. What would you like us to do, sir?" asked the panicked receptionist.  
  
Today is another day in work. And though it's just half a day before New Year comes, I strangle myself with work…again, just so I can take my mind of Rukawa Kaede.  
  
"Can you give me a description of the man?" I asked.  
  
_But no matter how much I pretend to be blind and take out all my senses…there's no way I can stop him from coming…  
_  
"He's a tall guy, uhm white complexion, black hair, slender and - "  
  
_No matter how hard I try to block these emotions…I still feel pain.  
_  
"- Okay, just tell that person that I'm on an important case presentation and I would not be disturbed. If he asks you when to come back, you don't know anything."  
  
_I still feel pain.  
_  
"Is there anything more I should tell this person, sir?"  
  
_Are you happy, Kaede?   
_  
"Nothing more. Just be…gentle."  
  
_Because I'll be happy for you if you are.  
_  
_I'll try to be happy if you are.  
_  
And I know that once I get that one happy day, I don't care if you're with me or with anybody…it's easy to get along with the feeling.  
  
It's just a matter of conditioning, right?  
  
It's just like bathing on warm water that when you plunge at it, it's hot but then all of a sudden it's not so warm anymore.  
  
It's just like that.  
  
And so I got up from my chair and headed for the bathroom. I needed to lock myself in.  
  
I washed my face and looked upon my reflection. And in there I saw a man who was not me.  
  
And maybe Hiro was right, I looked like a mop. I looked so distressed that I hardly recognized myself.  
  
Because this is not Sendoh Akira. The man of many smiles. The man who had the cheerful face and who said the bouncy words.  
  
The man in the mirror is a hurting man. A lonely man, a desperate man that I have become.  
  
All because I wanted to be happy for Kaede.  
  
All because I thought this was happiness…to sacrifice my feelings. To bear the pain of not having him near me.  
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
My cellphone. I looked at it blankly, stared at the blinking object where I can see his flashing name. _My Kaede_.  
  
And so I thought.  
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_I ask myself, is this what you call happiness?  
_  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_Is this what truly makes you happy?_  
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_Is this what you have become?  
_  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_Is this what you should be?  
_  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_Is this happiness for Kaede?  
_  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
*Ring* *Ring*   
  
_Are you happy?  
_  
"No…I'm not." I said. I picked up my phone, "Kaede? I - "   
  
I was too late.  
  
***  
  
And tonight, as I lay down in my bed I wonder what makes you happy, Rukawa Kaede?  
  
After all this heartache. After all this pain. I never gave you a chance to tell me what it is.  
  
Because I was scared. I feared pain, but I still felt it…nothing's changed. So what difference would it make if I hear you out now?  
  
I'm so foolish, am I? I never gave you an opportunity to speak your heart out so I could know right ahead, should I forget you or not? Should I leave it all this way? Should I allow myself to lurk into this darkness and feel the torture you're unconsciously giving me?  
  
After all this time, it's only now that I felt the urge to know. Why didn't I let myself take the risk of knowing such a long time ago?   
  
Damn.  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
I called you.  
  
*Ring* *Ring*  
  
*Ring - *  
  
"Hello?" Fujima…Kenji.   
  
"Hello? Hello?"  
  
Silence.  
  
Such happiness in his voice.  
  
Such contentment.  
  
Such love.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
I put down the phone…along with my broken heart.  
  
Along with my shattered dreams.  
  
_Things can never be how I wanted them to be.  
  
Goodbye, Kaede._  
  
TBC  
  
[December 31, 2003 ^ 2:43 AM]  
  
**Postfic Notes**: Please review! One last chapter to go!  
  
[1] Yellow is Jealousy? I'm not sure but I remember someone told me yellow is jealousy. Can someone correct me if I'm wrong?


	3. Part III

Title: Unfaithful 3/3  
Author: Archangel  
Pairing: RuFuji, RuSen  
Genre: Romance, Slight Angst, Happy RuSen ending  
Archive: Meltwater  
Rating: PG  
Type: Multi-chapter fiction

A/N: Finally, after one year I managed to get the spirit of writing and at last finishing this fic. I dedicate this fic to the AkiKaenians most especially to my co-alliance members: Chache Koneko, Simply Kim, Mitsui no Miko and Aki Midori. Thanks big time for everything!

Warnings: Heavy drama. And this is basically 17 pages of Tahoma font 7 so it's kinda long. I don't have the heart to cut it short.

**Unfaithful** 3/3  
by Archangel

Fujima's POV

_They said the truth hurts._

_They said that the truth is hard to admit… that the truth has always been hard to accept._

_I said I can take the truth… _

_I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts._

_And I say, I know the truth… and I felt how much it hurts._

_They said the best love is to be able to set them free._

_They said that the best love is to learn to let them go._

_They said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…_

_No matter how it hurts…_

_And give it until it no longer hurts._

_I said, I love Kaede._

_But I don't think I can set him free._

"Hello? Hello?"

_I will be selfish if I need to._

"He hanged up on me."

_I'll keep you to myself if I have to._

"I wonder who it was."

_I'll do that until you tell me to stop._

"Are you okay, honey?"

_But you don't talk much nowadays._

"You don't like the food?"

_How can I know?_

"I… I'm okay, I just felt full."

_And you don't seem to be enjoying things one bit._

"I'm going upstairs."

_And you leave me all alone._

"Oh, okay. Then I'll fix the table now, I guess."

_You make things hard for me._

"Kaede?"

_You make me feel that you really don't love me… anymore._

"I'm… no, it's okay. I'll go upstairs now."

_I even think you don't need me now._

"You're not okay."

_And it really hurts._

"I'm okay. Don't worry. I just wanna be alone."

_Because knowing the truth hurts._

"Is this about Sendoh?"

_And the truth is that you don't love me…_

"It's Sendoh, right?"

_And I said I will always love you…_

"Kenji…"

_I said I can take the truth… _

_I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts._

_And they said I should give…_

_Until it no longer hurts._

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"It's Sendoh, right?"

I can't speak.

I can't even move.

And he knows it.

"Kenji…" I said… and that's all I have to say, really.

"You don't have to lie," he said, "I'm not stupid."

And I know that, I thought. Because I'm the one who's stupid.

I looked at him…

He was cautiously gathering my dirty dishes.

"I know you inside out, Kaede." He continued. "It's been two years." He said as he looked at me, a smile plastered in his face.

And his smile was so warm…

But it also held so much pain.

Yes, it's been two years.

And he loved me.

"It's not that easy." I said… because it really isn't.

Because I never imagined in my life that this would happen.

And neither did he.

Neither did Akira.

"How can it be easy?" Kenji said as he dropped the dishes in his hand.

His actions surprised me, but I know he cannot be blamed.

I stayed silent. Not knowing what to say.

Then Kenji looked up to me once again, with all honesty… I saw tears but then he was smiling painfully.

Then it struck me, I felt how much it hurts.

"I didn't mean to make you fall out of love for me, I just loved my work, that's all."

I felt so much pain in hurting Kenji.

"I tried my best to get you back but then, I guess I was too late."

I felt the guilt as I looked into my lover's eyes.

_The guilt of falling out of love._

"Well, am I?" He asked.

Again, I stayed silent.

I have no words to say.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Fujima's POV

"Was I too late?" I asked him. But then, I know the answer to that already.

Still, I was hoping.

But he said nothing.

I heard nothing.

I know the answer to that already.

_And they said the truth hurts._

_And I must say, I felt it._

"I… I don't know what to say, Kenji." He said. But I know there isn't really much to say, is there?

A long moment of silence enveloped us both.

I carried on with washing the dishes, he remained standing in his place… looking at the floor, silent.

My tears mixed with the water as I tried so hard to stop all the pain.

Every single plate, every single spoon… I tried so hard to stop the pain.

Until such time I finished…

And I barely even knew.

I walked past the kitchen, I walked passed him.

But he stopped me, he held me tight.

"Tell me something, please." He begged.

And I know I love him, and so I said, "Just… just don't think that I didn't do everything I can to take you back."

I said, "I… I guess they're right when they said that in loving someone, you must always be willing to give them up when the right time comes… I guess…"

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked.

"If that's what you call it… but I guess it's more apt to say that I'm setting you free."

_And they said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…_

_No matter how it hurts…_

_And give it until it no longer hurts._

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"If that's what you call it… but I guess it's more apt to say that I'm setting you free."

I stared at him…

He smiled back.

Now I know how much he loved me, and I really didn't have to go this far just to know that.

I stared at him… questioning.

"Don't think that I didn't love you." Kenji said.

But ironically, I don't know what to ask.

"Don't think that two years is all easy to let go."

He loved me.

"And don't think that I'm okay… not in a few days at least."

That's all I know.

He smiled and embraced me… he embraced me so hard, I can hardly breathe.

Then he cried.

"Just let me stay here for a while." He said.

And I allowed him to.

And unknowingly to him, I let my own tears fall.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Fujima's POV

I cried… without inhibitions.

I cried… all the kept tears.

I cried… all the pain.

I cried because he's not mine… not anymore.

I embraced him… with all the love.

This could be, if not, the last time.

I embraced him because he's not mine… not anymore.

"I'm setting you free, so what would you do?" I asked, still holding onto him up to the last moment.

And up to that last moment, I buried my face in his neck.

I cried.

"I… I don't know." He replied.

Then there was silence.

And I held him still.

Up to the last few moments.

Then I gathered up my courage and said, "The door's open, you know. I never locked it."

I hugged him tighter, for the last time.

Then, I stopped. I set him free.

No matter how much it hurts.

Then maybe tomorrow it won't hurt anymore.

But he stayed quiet. He stared at me again.

I smiled… and I smiled painfully. I can't help it.

"What?" I asked, smiling painfully "Just go, Kaede." I said.

"Just go."

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"Just go." He said.

And I stood still. I did not know what to do.

Well, what am I supposed to do? It's not that easy.

Then suddenly, Kenji punched me lightly… so lightly it just felt like a tap on my face. "I'm a big boy now, I'll be okay." He said.

And I felt it. The punch would have to be the hardest I got in my lifetime.

Physically, it was a caress… but emotionally, it tore me apart.

It hurts to see him in so much pain…

But what am I to do…

Kenji turned away, "Just… go" he said.

It's over.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Fujima's POV

I heard the door close. He's gone… forever.

That I'm sure of.

I walked silently back to our room… now mine and mine alone.

I laid down in our bed… again, mine and mine alone.

They said the truth hurts.

_It did. And it did so much._

They said that the truth is hard to admit…

_And I knew it was so hard for him to do so._

They said that the truth has always been hard to accept.

_And it was._

But I said I can take the truth…

_And I did._

I said I can accept the truth… no matter how it hurts.

_And I'm still in the process of finally doing so._

Yes, I know the truth… and I felt how much it hurts.

They said the best love is to be able to set them free.

_And I did, because I love him._

And that the best love is to learn to let them go.

_And I did that for the same reason._

They said that the best love is to give them the freedom that they want…

_And I did just that for he showed me he wanted it._

No matter how it hurts…

_And it did._

And give it until it no longer hurts.

_But it still does._

I said, I love Kaede.

_And I once said I can't set him free._

_But I know I love him…_

_For that, I learned to let him go…_

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

It's over. I'm free.

Kenji set me free.

I stayed outside the door… stayed here for the past few hours.

And it's cold here. Cold outside, yet colder inside me.

I watched the snow as it falls, I watched as it slowly melted in my fingers.

It was cold, and I should feel numb.

But I am very much in pain.

On the other side of the door, I felt loneliness.

I felt guilt.

I felt the pain of hurting Kenji… and I feel such an asshole.

Slowly, I got up.

I walked… wherever.

I thought of… whatever.

But then, I found myself in Akira's doorstep.

What he felt, that at least I needed to know.

There seems to be no one there. Still, I knocked… I pounded the door… hard.

I pressed his doorbell, pounded his door.

No answer.

I stopped.

I leaned against his door and sat dejectedly, my hands on my head, my eyes downcast.

It felt cold. He's ignoring me again.

I felt so much pain.

Then, I looked up. I followed the trail of the snowflakes as they slowly descend from above.

Then there he was, staring at me with equally surprised eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Sendoh's POV

"Can we talk?" Kaede asked.

The last thing that I wanted to see right now is this man in front of me, Rukawa Kaede.

And why not him? One may ask.

Because I'm in a mess, in a huddle of mixed emotions without anything to start off.

Because I'm in a mess, dealing with a man who confessed that he loves me but finding it out, he's in a special relationship with someone else.

Because I'm in a mess whenever I see him…

Because when I see him and just when I thought it's fairly okay to move on now, it just doesn't seem so.

And I don't know what happened.

And I don't even know what's happening.

It's just that he's here now. And I really don't want to see him.

"It's kinda late." I said, "Don't you think Fujima-san would be worried you're out at this hour?"

But something is different.

And I don't think it's something I like.

"I guess not." He replied.

Yes, something was different.

"I don't want to be in the middle of the mess, Rukawa-kun." I said.

_And it's because I really don't want to._

"I think, it's best that you go home since it's late and it's freezing cold."

_And because I don't want to be the reason as to why you are looking so miserable right now._

"We can always talk some other time, you know."

_And maybe we won't because I don't really want to._

"It doesn't have to be now."

_And maybe because all I wanted was to stay away and make you guys happy._

"Okay?"

_Is that so hard to ask?_

But what? You fight back… "You don't even answer my calls, so how's that?"

I was taken aback.

So he felt it… he knew.

"I've been busy." I said, looking deep into his eyes. "Things have been very hard these days."

"Well, I still need to talk to you." He said.

And I opened the door.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"So what do you want?" Akira asked as soon as we entered his apartment. "Coffee or hot chocolate?"

Well I didn't come here to drink.

I came here to talk.

But he doesn't seem to be interested about it.

He's busying himself with cups and platters.

"Let's talk." I said.

Slowly, he made his way to me, "Okay." He said "Let's talk about what?"

For some reason, he was playing innocent when it's too damn obvious.

I don't even get the reason as to why he's choosing to ignore it.

"About **us**." I said. This time, straight to the point.

His features changed.

Somehow, he managed to smile wider.

He even managed to laugh.

"What's _us_? I don't think I know that." He said.

Then he changed the topic.

"You sure Fujima-san would—"

I beg to interrupt, "It's over, Akira." I said. "Kenji and I are… it's over."

And indeed it is.

_Because Kenji knew that I love you._

"So don't involve Kenji here because it's something between us."

And he sacrificed his love in order to make me happier.

And that's with you.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Sendoh's POV

"It's over. So don't involve Kenji here because it's something between us."

So it's over, huh?

Wasn't that fast?

"I don't get it." I said, playing innocently.

Honestly, it was distressing.

"Since when did **us** existed?" I asked. Still, it was as if I didn't get a thing.

"Just make things easy." He said as he held my wrist, stopping my motions. "You know when it happened. You'll just have to admit it."

And this time, I knew he was serious.

He tightened his hold in my wrist… it felt so painful, in fact.

And in his eyes… his eyes were burning.

But somehow, I knew that this was not right.

"What is there to admit?" I smiled as I said.

What's right about this when in fact it's not the right time?

I smiled.

Yet it hurts.

"I believe it's you who has something to admit." I said.

Did he think being free for several hours, days or minutes for that matter, is enough to have another?

Did he seriously think I'd be happy with him knowing we've just hurt other people?

"Yeah," He replied. "But I believe you have one too."

And as much as I wanted to admit it…

It's not the right time.

We've hurt a lot of people…

No matter how much he tells me we haven't.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"I don't know what you're talking about." Akira said, continuing his act of innocence that's too clear to read.

"Coffee or hot chocolate?" He asked me for the second time.

And again, I didn't come here to sip coffee or hot chocolate.

"I wanna talk. I don't want anything else." I said as I tightened my grip on his wrist, stressing my point that I needed a sensible and honest talk.

"Just talk." He said as he pulled his wrist out of my hand. "I'm listening."

He walked over to his kitchen.

And there was silence… save for the cups and platters.

Finding his coffee making taking too long to finish, I made my way to him and forced him to pay attention…

I broke a plate.

There you go with your cups and platters.

And of course, I was successful.

I had his attention at last.

"Kenji broke up with me because he knew I love you." I said with much conviction.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Sendoh's POV

He broke a plate.

He broke my favorite plate.

So much for the innocent act.

So much for the fact that I might hurt him if I speak up.

"What's your point, Rukawa?" I asked. And somehow, I knew I sounded so pissed off.

With an equally irritated tone, he responded, "My point is, I know you know that so don't act as if you don't know it."

Fine.

I know it.

I know it so much it made me this way.

Isn't it too much to ask to stop for a while and think it over?

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"My point is, I know you know that so don't act as if you don't know it."

Things have gone mad.

Why put up this act in the first place?

"Okay, let's put it that way." He said, thank God. "So now what?"

Shit.

I took a deep breath. "I came here because I wanted to tell you that."

"Okay, now I know. I'm flattered." He said.

And I swear, I am trying to compose myself.

"It's not only that." I added.

"I want to know how you feel about me. That's all I need to know."

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Sendoh's POV

"I want to know how you feel about me. That's all I need to know."

God knows, among all the questions Rukawa can and will ask, this is the one I am trying not to answer.

Well what for?

So that we could be together?

So that finally, I can have the time of my life and be happy, is that it?

No.

I can't be happy this way.

Well, can you?

Hell, no.

"I'm sorry that Fujima-san broke up with you." I replied.

_Do we really have to rush this?_

"And I'm sorry that there is no us, Kaede."

_Somehow, I feel that you still love Kenji for some reason. _

_Maybe. I don't know._

"There's nothing you need to know."

_I can't blame you for that._

Silence.

_He's been a great guy._

"You're lying." He said.

_And I can't blame you for saying that._

_Because in truth…_

_I have always wished there was us._

"What's there to lie?" I asked.

_But it's not the right time._

"I can't tell myself to love you."

_A lot of people have been hurt because of this._

"That's not a problem because you already do."

_A lot of people have been hurt because of **us**._

"You're the one who's giving me problems."

_And now you expect me to rush into this…_

"You're worried about Kenji. I just said it's over, you're not listening."

_You don't even know that somehow Kenji still lives in you…_

Silence.

_We can't go smoothly with rough roads to start with._

"Given that," I said, "you think it's proper?"

He stared at me.

He remained silent.

"You think it's right to just come here and tell me you love me, extract something from me and be together after all that's happened?" I asked.

_Because it's not._

"You think I can sleep well knowing for a fact that you've hurt someone who has loved you so much just because you can't get enough of me?"

_Because I can't._

"You think I will enjoy my life with you knowing that we became this happy not after forcing a break up with someone who you've spent years of your life with?

_Because I won't._

"And do you think it's so happy to spend your time with me after the fact that you woke up one morning and fell out of love for Kenji?"

_Because I don't._

"Now, tell me this is right." I said to him.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

Rukawa's POV

"Now, tell me this is right." He said.

He said with so much pain in his eyes.

Well maybe now I understand, but his point was just part of the story.

It was him who never really understood the entire thing.

"Yes. This is right." I said "Because he already set me free."

_Because that's the way Kenji showed how much he loved me._

"You think I'm gonna waste that sacrifice?"

_After all the pain I've caused him… I don't think so._

"Do you sincerely think I'm stupid enough to break up with someone I spent two years of my life with without making sure you loved me back?"

_After all the façade you've been doing all night… I still don't believe so._

"Do you really think I'm stupid enough to fall for your lies?"

_That, I don't think so._

"Kenji showed me the greatest love he could ever give so quit being an asshole and just admit it."

_And this, I think so. Because you're making things hard for all of us._

"He'd be happier that way."

_Because he'd be happy to see me happy…_

_And I can be that with you._

"But there's nothing to admit." You said…

And it hurts so bad.

"I don't love you, really. You're just my… friend."

It hurts so bad.

Because all I ask is of you to be honest but it's obvious that you're holding back.

You'll never understand.

"Besides, I don't hang out with guys the way you and Kenji does."

You never understood.

"I'm sorry."

Because you don't want to understand.

And that hurts.

"So you don't, huh?" I asked.

But inside, I know you do, Akira.

"Then I guess I'm stupid." I said.

I know you do.

I walked out of the house and into the cold.

I know I should feel numb.

But tonight, I feel so much pain.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

It was morning and I opened the door to our apartment…

Kenji's not home.

It was all silent.

I pressed the answering machine.

It's my birthday today.

"Oi, Rukawa! Aya-chan here! Happy birthday!" beep

"Oi, Homo kitsune! Happy new year!" beep -1-

"Rukawa-kun! My brother and I wanted to greet you a happy birthday…"

Save for the answering machine, it was all silent.

There was no life in here.

Unlike before… when Kenji was still here.

"Happy birthday!" beep

I went upstairs… it's so quiet I find it maddening.

The door is opened and I rushed inside.

"Kenji?" I called out.

But there was no one there, except for a gift in the middle of the bed.

It's from Kenji.

"Happy birthday, Kaede. I love you – Kenji."

I nearly cried.

Because…

When I opened it…

It was his wrist watch.

It was the usual source of all our conflicts.

He always looked at it because he always needed to be in time for other things that wasn't me.

He knew I was always trying to get it.

He knew I always wanted to destroy that watch.

Because that watch took him away from me… almost all the time.

"Now you can break it. Because I won't need it anymore. You have my time at your hands now — Kenji."

But he's gone.

Kenji's gone…

His clothes are not in the closet anymore.

Nothing's left.

He's gone.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

For two years, it was only now that I felt so alone.

What the hell have I done?

Was loving two people that bad?

Was loving Sendoh Akira that much became this bad?

And for that, I found myself crying.

Crying so hard…

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

A year has passed since then and I did nothing but to revamp my life.

It wasn't easy, really.

Because I did not get Kenji back.

It's not that I had any intentions to, but somehow I must admit that it was lonely without him.

In this past year, I found Kenji to be in Toru Hanagata's house, his new lover.

It turned out that in all those years Toru-san has been helping Kenji and I, he'd been loving him all along.

I did not bother anymore. Because Kenji assured me he's doing okay.

And I'm happy for him.

I'm happy for them.

I didn't have a face to show to all of them so I didn't bother.

But then, wounds were healed soon after…

And now we're all friends.

And sometimes it hurts, but who's to blame?

In this past year, I thought about a lot of things and that included Sendoh Akira of course, why wouldn't he be there?

And all this time of thinking and contemplation brought me to a conclusion.

That he's wrong.

That Sendoh Akira was very wrong.

How can this be wrong when it feels so right, isn't it?

I went back to his apartment two weeks after what happened but he wasn't there.

In fact, he's gone.

Because he went overseas to do some business.

And he hasn't come back since then.

No letters.

No phone calls.

No news.

And I can't help thinking of how unfair Akira was…

Because now that he seemed to have forgotten about me, I still can't forget him.

And again, it hurt.

Because I wasn't able to make him understand.

Because I wasn't able to tell him I understand him now about the bullshit time he was talking about, though I didn't care much about it.

He could've told me to stop for a while, then maybe I did and maybe we could've talked and be better right now.

But he's gone.

And I can't find him.

And yeah, it was distressing.

Because I wasn't able to make him admit the truth.

Sometimes though, I can't help but think, what if Akira just left beforehand?

What if I really didn't met him at all?

Then maybe Kenji and I are still together and happy.

Maybe.

But that's selfish, I know.

Because I love Akira more though he had hurt me so much…

Yeah, it's been a year.

It's snowing once again, just like it did last year.

The only difference is, tonight there's no Kenji.

Tonight, there is no Akira.

There's only me.

I opened the door to my apartment… not the old one I was sharing with Kenji.

I live in a different apartment now.

And it was silent… still silent.

I pressed my answering machine and the same thing – same people called to greet me.

It's still my birthday anyway.

I walked straight into my room, and same thing, there's a gift from Kenji and now with Toru on it too.

But this time, it's not a watch.

It's a picture frame.

And whose picture will I put in here?

That person seemed to have forgotten about me already.

I walked past my room and shot a glance at my basketball…

"It's been a while." I thought.

And indeed it was.

I wanted to play again.

Back then, I was playing with Akira at a secluded court near my high school.

That was last year…

I wasn't able to play there now because the memories were too painful.

But it's been a year, and the pain should've been gone by now.

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

It's been a year now and I must say, the court we used to play in was not the court from before.

It's covered now, so I can play amidst the snowy weather.

And again, like what I was doing in high school, maybe I'll just imagine Akira as my opponent, then maybe I'd have more fun.

It's been a year…

I thought the pain was gone…

For it should've been gone by now…

But then, it still hasn't.

Because I still love Akira.

Too bad he's forgotten about me already.

And I feel the pain now as I inch in closer to the court we once enjoyed playing.

Slowly, I opened the door and someone was hanging on the ring.

There was no ball.

He just slammed his hand in.

It must've hurt, but for me it was different.

"The feeling of glory is incomplete without the ball in your hands." I said.

For me it was happiness.

"Oh yeah?" He replied.

_Sendoh Akira replied._

"You've been gone way too long, haven't you?" I asked.

_It's been a year…_

"Well, I've been thinking." He replied.

_Why now?_

"Then maybe we can play a game for now." I said.

_I still love you._

"Same game?"

_Do you?_

"Yeah, same game."

_It's been a year now._

_And things haven't been the same since then._

_Things were different because this time, I won the game._

"I can't believe I lost." He said as we both sat down on the cold pavement trying to catch our breaths.

"You're aging, that's why." I replied.

"You're aging too." He shot back. "I know it's your birthday."

_Yes, things are not the same as last year._

"Happy birthday, Kaede. It's been a while…"

_Because last year, we didn't have the same conversation._

"Yeah, it's been a while."

_Because this year, Sendoh Akira came back home._

"You haven't changed though."

_And this time, we sat on the pavement._

"You're still the Kitsune-chan from before."

_This time, I cared enough to share my towel._

"And you're still the hedgehog from last year, save for the hair."

_I cared so much to share my drink._

"Kitsune…chan"

_And this year, it was different._

"Hedgehog…"

_Because he's sitting right beside me._

"You still live in the same house, Kitsune?"

_I stared at his sitting figure. His eyes closed and his head leaning by the benches._

"No… not anymore."

_He was tired._

"You came back to your old house, hedgehog?"

_He was catching his breath. One by one… _

"No… I live on the next door."

_I stared at him._

"I'm hungry, Kitsune-chan."

_It's been a year since I last saw Akira._

"We can eat cold noodles down the street."

_So I stared at him, looking for changes._

"The noodle store is still there?"

_He had his hair cut short, but still the same man, I believe._

"Yeah, nothing's change."

_I stared at him… for it's been a while now._

"But you know what?" He asked.

"What?" I asked in return.

"Just do what you want to do and don't stare at me like that."

_It's been a year…_

_And it's been different…_

_Because now I get to kiss him._

_And because now I get to be with him often._

_Although we've been playing the same thing._

_Playing the same game._

_Eating the same cold noodles._

_Well I guess some things have remained the same…_

_Amidst the things that changed._

_- . - . - . - . - . -_

"Akira, let's take a picture."

_Yeah, some things have remained the same…_

"Oh, okay. What for?"

_And some things have changed._

- click -

_Because this year…_

"I need to put this in my picture frame."

_Akira's back home._

**The End**

**

* * *

December 26, 2004 4:14 AM**

1 – Homo Kitsune was adopted from Deep Purple by Prin, of course. Sakuragi calls Rukawa Homo Kitsune darn.

A/N: Okay, so technically, this is 17 pages of mushiness and RuSen loving and I don't know if you guys still have the energy to read the entire fic all over again.

I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed and read this fic. Thank you so much for waiting an entire year for this fic and I do hope that I didn't spoil all the fun of reading being this long. Still, I appreciate your efforts in reading this fic! And yes! This is indeed the second of the multitudes of multi-chapter fics that I have that I finally get to finish.

Again, thank you.

Archangel

So, I therefore say that this fic is so finished and I feel it has been my greatest fic achievement in my entire lifetime. Thank God! Oh well… Happy Birthday, Kaede!


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